10 September 2009

Misplaced trust?

I recently bumped into insensitivity about the war consequences caused by the pure ignorance. It was in company of two women, one of which has even two brothers in USA army, but apparently they do not even comprehend what kind of the emotional effect war has on people.
Recently those girls invited me on a camping trip here; older of them actually organizing it. Younger of them I actually considered friend, up to that event.
Silly me.
In the moment of the openness I admitted to them that I feel uncomfortable with the idea of camping because it reminds me on the conditions refugees usually suffer. Instead of at least ignoring my comment, they started to ridicule me. Older one took her own experience as an example of how I should get rid all of that war consequences; she compared her experience of slight fear of the height that she apparently ‘cured’ by learning rock climbing with my situation. For me, that sounded like an advice to take an aspirin if you have pneumonia. I still remember last time when I was talking to professional counsellor and that person told me that I need help of the specialist, someone who specialized in post-traumatic disorders.
It was clear for me that both of the girls reacted in such insensitive way simply because of ignorance. That’s why I did not made any scene nor showed in any way that something was wrong to the rest of the company.
But that night I had nightmares.
My guess that the major reason for those nightmares was not so much reminding of the war horrors I went trough but the fact that I truly consider one of those women as a friend and I never thought that I will get ridiculed by her for the condition I’m trying to heal within myself.
Now I do not wish even to see any of those women anymore. I was thinking last few days should I tell them; show them, in any way what they did to me. But, I decided not to. I decided simply to avoid them.
I do not wish any more nightmares, I do not wish to be troubled with all that, and I definitely do not need someone who I trusted enough to open up to hurt me again in such way.


Venus Doom said...

It is a shame that people are often so ignorant about things that they say daft things or show no understanding. Some people obviously just dont think.
Different situation, but I have also found that when I open up to some friends about the troubles we have with Luke, that they are so ignorant about autism in general that they say silly things that make me feel like Im making a fuss about nothing. They have no idea and I just have to put it down to ignornace.
THe thing is that not everyone can be educated on every matter. THat is understandable. But I think that if someone knows nothing about a situation, they should say so and be open to learn about it. Some people however, seem to think they are experts on everything, even when they know nothing about it! That is when I get annoyed. When people who have not experienced what you have claim to know better.

Something I have learnt is that there are people, all around the world, who are just disappointing! Lol.

I can totally understand where you are coming from. I'd be annoyed and hurt too. It is hard to be open about things that go so deeply, and then it cuts when people treat it as something small.

Fresca said...

Those girls remind me of me when I was young. I didn't realize how much pain other people carry--you never know when you may hit someone else's tender nerve. Now I try very hard to be gentle. I fail sometimes, but your blog reminds me how important it is. Thank you.

Darwi said...

Sorry for late response on your comments, I did not get notification about them.

Venus, I know what you mean, usually I do not open up to those people and problem is solved.
As I said in my previous post due to my personality faults, I misinterpreted the behavior of the USA people here, I was judging it by the "friendliness" standard that is valid for Europe, therefore I opened up more than I should.
Now I know better.

Fresca, well, seem so that all of it is just down to the cultural differences. For USA standards those girls behaved quite nice and ok. It was my fault that I did not thought about the differences and adjusted my behavior accordingly.